Discovering Determination
How does one begin living again if death has overcome them? I don't mean the Grim Reaper or coming back from the dead as a Walker. I'm talking about pulling yourself out of a certain mindset in which you are stuck in place, even feeling as if you're going backwards at times. Although many are ignorant toward their true emotions and state of mind, few people can deny their desire to find a purpose.
In the past 6 months, I have gone through a lot of pain and turmoil. (as expressed in the most dramatic way possible) I sunk into a very deep hole and just recently came to the realization that this dark hole is so extremely uncomfortable and destructive. I need to get out! So here I am laying it all out on the table, standing up to myself and the demons that possessed me. (don't worry, not literally)
I couldn't even begin to tell you why it took me so long to just get started. Get started on what you may ask, (no one asked but I'm going to tell you anyway) get started on everything: self renewal, repairing relationships, even starting this blog for that matter. (In my defense however, I was crowned Queen of Procrastination at birth, so don't judge me!) In all seriousness, if you want something, go for it! You will have SO MANY regrets in life, why ot avoid having one extra, do yourself a favor and JUST DO IT! (whatever "it" means to you, listen to the man and get it freakin' done!)
There comes a point where you have to be selfish. Now everyone says that being selfish is a bad thing, but what many don't realize is that being too self-LESS can cause just as much harm. Stop worrying about other people, what they think is right for you and your life, who they think you should be, how they think you should live, or even what they think of you as a person. Focus on yourself, do what you wanna do, as long as no one, including yourself is being harmed, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. If you want to be sad, be sad, but get back up, brush the dirt off, and MOVE ON. I am not implying that I am perfect, (in fact, I am far from it) I have to listen to my own words, I have a terrible tendency to dish it out but never receive it and that needs to change.
I have a long way to travel on this Journey to Find Joy, but I am going to do everything in my power to get there. I invite all of you to come along with me, the more the merrier! Also, just realize, you do have purpose, your purpose is to wake up, live life, and be better than you were yesterday.
In the past 6 months, I have gone through a lot of pain and turmoil. (as expressed in the most dramatic way possible) I sunk into a very deep hole and just recently came to the realization that this dark hole is so extremely uncomfortable and destructive. I need to get out! So here I am laying it all out on the table, standing up to myself and the demons that possessed me. (don't worry, not literally)
As a barely legal teen who has oh so many more years to live for, a nice house, a loving family, few friends, (although who really needs them, am I right? The real ones stick around) and my whole life ahead of me, things seem chipper. Well, they are! Just because someone (in this case myself) says that life is terrible, does not mean that it inevitably is. Our minds work in mysterious ways and seeing as I have repeated this thought in my head for so long, of course I am going to think it is factual. I am not saying that anytime someone says they are depressed they are crazy and it's all in their head, but there comes a time when you must realize that ONLY you can save yourself. Everybody has bad moments, days, or even weeks sometimes, and it is extremely difficult to swat away the negativity and focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. However, it must be done!
This is my first step into discovering my determination. I have endless dreams and do intend to follow and achieve them. I aspire to be a traveling, freelance photojournalist. As a wee little Madi, I wanted to be a vet. (come on, what little kid doesn't want to work with puppies and kitties all day everyday?!) As I got older and came to the horrifying realization that a veterinarian doesn't just cuddle with animals and poop rainbows all day long, that there's a chance you could be responsible for a tiny angel's death, I backed out immediately.
It took me a long time to make the difficult decision of what I want to do with my life. Sophomore year of high school, the counselors shoved the importance of choosing a college and career path down your throat. Now I, being an extremely stubborn and (as I've been told) rebellious person, did not enjoy that experience in the slightest bit. In fact, every time my counselor would lecture me regarding that subject, I intentionally did NOT list 13 colleges, narrow it down to 3, and decide on 1 by the end of the year. Now, having been released from the prison we all call high school for over a year now, I still stand by that decision and have no desire to attend another school for as long as I can help it.
It took me a long time to make the difficult decision of what I want to do with my life. Sophomore year of high school, the counselors shoved the importance of choosing a college and career path down your throat. Now I, being an extremely stubborn and (as I've been told) rebellious person, did not enjoy that experience in the slightest bit. In fact, every time my counselor would lecture me regarding that subject, I intentionally did NOT list 13 colleges, narrow it down to 3, and decide on 1 by the end of the year. Now, having been released from the prison we all call high school for over a year now, I still stand by that decision and have no desire to attend another school for as long as I can help it.
There comes a point where you have to be selfish. Now everyone says that being selfish is a bad thing, but what many don't realize is that being too self-LESS can cause just as much harm. Stop worrying about other people, what they think is right for you and your life, who they think you should be, how they think you should live, or even what they think of you as a person. Focus on yourself, do what you wanna do, as long as no one, including yourself is being harmed, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. If you want to be sad, be sad, but get back up, brush the dirt off, and MOVE ON. I am not implying that I am perfect, (in fact, I am far from it) I have to listen to my own words, I have a terrible tendency to dish it out but never receive it and that needs to change.
I have a long way to travel on this Journey to Find Joy, but I am going to do everything in my power to get there. I invite all of you to come along with me, the more the merrier! Also, just realize, you do have purpose, your purpose is to wake up, live life, and be better than you were yesterday.
CHEERS TO A NEW BEGINNING FRIENDS!
